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'elf Expressions Ezine

Get Hold of Your Elf!

"Get hold of your 'elf!"


Your weekly collection of positive tips, hints, and advice offered with humor, inspiration, and other goodies for anyone who is inclined to read. Guidance, mentoring, inspiration, English lessons, editing, proofreading services for entrepreneurs and online marketers.

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Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 10 — Issue 11 — May 25, 2010
Published every other Tuesday


Good day, everyone! Summer has come to Ohio a bit early this year after an unusually cold start to the merry month of May, and we're now into full-fledged a/c weather. But the lawns are green, and flowers are everywhere, so we'll just enjoy ... and I hope you, wherever you are, are enjoying life as well.

I think you'll enjoy today's issue, especially the feature article. The guest article is a bit off-base from what I usually publish, but I thought it worthwhile nonetheless. Enjoy! :-)


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In Remembrance of
September 11, 2001

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Smile!

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If my people, which are called by my name,
shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek
my face, and turn from their wicked ways,
then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive
their sin, and will heal their land.

—2 Chronicles 7:14



Contents:

A Healthier You
Feature Article
Test Your Bible Knowledge
Today's Chuckle
Today's English Lesson
Guest Article
Inspiration
Etcetera




He who knows, does not speak.
He who speaks, does not know.

—Lao-Tzu



A Healthier You


Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, making a list, etc.). Don't do this! A predator may be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. As soon as you get into your car, lock the doors and leave.

If you find that someone is already in your car with a gun to your head, do not drive off. Repeat: Do not drive off! Instead, gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your air bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat, he will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes, bail out and run.

It is better than having your found body in a remote location.





"Politics is not a bad profession.
If you succeed, there are many rewards;
if you disgrace yourself,
you can always write a book."

—Ronald Reagan



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Feature Article


Does Evil Exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists?

A student bravely replied, "Yes, He did!

"God created everything?" the professor asked.

"Yes, sir," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then He also created evil since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

The student became quiet before such an answer.

The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course," replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course, it exists. Have you never been cold?" remarked the professor.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the law of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.

The student continued. "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course, it does!"

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong, sir. Darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally, the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil!"

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.

God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith or love that exists, just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down, stunned.

The young man's name was Albert Einstein.

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Test Your Bible Knowledge

Who climbed a sycamore tree in order to see Jesus as he entered Jericho?

a — Zerubbabel
b — Zacchaeus
c — Nicodemus
d — Nebuchadnezzar

Scroll down for the answer.





Making the simple complicated is commonplace;
making the complicated simple, awesomely simple—that's creativity.

—Charles Mingus



Today's Chuckle


Glass Eye

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for breakfast in the morning. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies ... (Are sure you're ready for this?)

She says, "You just happened to catch my eye."





Aim for service and success will follow.

—Albert Schweitzer



Today's English Lesson


Seeing the same elementary mistakes over and over again has prompted this publisher to write an English lesson each issue. Look for some of these lessons to be repeated, because the mistakes are!

"Wave" as a noun is a hand gesture or a water movement or a way to style hair. And it is also used to indicate a trend, as in the "wave of the future." And it can refer to weather, as in a "cold wave," or radio "waves."

"Wave" as a verb is the act of motion with the hand or perhaps a flag or any other object that is movable. "Waver" is used interchangeably with "vacillate."

"Waive" is to voluntarily relinquish one's rights to something. In legal terminology, it is set down as a "waiver."

There are more meanings of these words, but these are the most common usages.

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Begin somewhere. You cannot build a reputation on what you intend to do.

—Elizabeth Smith



Guest Article



Grandmothers Are Titanic
by Joyce Marcel

Over drinks the other night, a friend explained to me "The Grandmother Hypothesis," which is based on the idea that the human race has progressed so far in its evolution—progressed over animals, I believe, not over its own best instinct—because, unlike animals, who die after their reproductive life is over, humans continue to live.

That gives the race, as a whole, a large number of women with free time and energy who can help nurture their grandchildren, protect the family, gather food, and in general devote themselves to the welfare of the species.

The hypothesis, developed by a team from the University of Utah led by Professor Kristen Hawkes, an anthropologist, appeared in an article in the journal, "Proceedings of the National Academy of Science." It tied in nicely with something I have been thinking about since I saw "Titanic."

I loved the movie, not because of its special effects, and certainly not because I thank Leonardo for introducing me to her. I took from the film a calmness that lasted for days.

As it turned out, the very next evening, on public television, I found myself in a similar state of ecstasy watching "Porgy and Bess: An American Voice." The program, created by James A. Standifer, a music professor at the University of Michigan, examined with intelligence and truthfulness the artistic and racial issues raised by the Gershwin opera.

But the epiphany, for me, came at the end, when the stars of the first production, in 1935, sat in an album-lined room listening to their young selves sing gloriously on record.

The camera, in a quiet moment of Zen felicity, lingered for a long time on the faces of Anne Brown, now 86, and Todd Duncan, 95, as they listened with looks of wonder to the great beauty of their voices so many years ago. At intervals, we saw them young and on film, playing the parts of Porgy and Bess, Brown so beautiful that she took my breath away, Duncan, so strong and yet so crippled, that I was stories from that bottomless well of secrets that is the female heart.

I find myself in the odd position of being old numerically but in the middle of my life emotionally and professionally. My grandmothers were old at the age I am today; I remember them as plump, white-haired women with no life at all except the ones they made inside their families. I'm their age now, and yet I'm not old at all. And I'm at a loss to make the number that represents the years I've lived compute with the person who has lived them.

It has long been a truism that our society discards women after menopause. Actually, women are discarded all the way through their lives: when they become, for some reason, crippled; when they put on 20 extra pounds; when they stop dedicating their lives to being attractive to men; when they are pregnant; when they are mothers; when they are old.

It is possible that the Baby Boomers will change this, because there are as many vital and productive women out there who are turning 50 as there are men, and they have enjoyed jobs, power and money throughout their lives. They have voices and, perhaps, will refuse to be discarded. It is possible that "Titanic" was—pardon me—the tip of the iceberg, and we will be fortunate to know the stories of many accomplished women, that Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, and even Gloria Stuart will not be so alone with their great achievements and white hair.

That is why I like "The Grandmother Hypothesis." It makes sense that older women are a treasure, a resource, a source of wisdom, a repository of history. Maybe they even are one reason for the evolutionary success of the human species.

But I must admit that after a cognac or two, my friend and I started wondering, "While the grandmothers were helping the species to evolve, exactly what were the grandfathers doing?"

Republished with permission

===========================================================

Joyce Marcel lives in Dummerston, Vermont. She is a free lance journalist, a travel writer, and a music critic. This piece was originally published in the on-line newspaper, American Reporter, where her pop culture column, called Momentum, appears every Friday.





No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

—Thomas Jefferson





Answer to Bible trivia:

b — Zacchaeus
See Luke 19:1-10



Inspiration


24 Things to Always Remember ...
and One Thing to Never Forget
Author Unknown

Your presence is a present to the world.
You're unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You'll make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Don't put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets.
Don't take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot ... goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasures are people ... together.

Realize that it's never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have health and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a star.

And don't ever forget ...
For even a day ...
How very special you are.




Etcetera

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