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'elf Expressions Ezine

Get Hold of Your Elf!

"Get hold of your 'elf!"


Your weekly collection of positive tips, hints, and advice offered with humor, inspiration, and other goodies for anyone who is inclined to read. Guidance, mentoring, inspiration, English lessons, editing, proofreading services for entrepreneurs and online marketers.

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Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 11 — Issue 1 — January 4, 2011
Published every other Tuesday


Hi, everyone, and welcome all new readers! This begins the 11th year of publication for this ezine, and it is my sincere wish and prayer that we can continue indefinitely, as the Lord is willing.

Hope you enjoy the unusual entry in the "Healthier You" section and that you can use some of these little tidbits. Then catch the "Feature Article," especially if you would like to get more visitors to your site. And you will be surprised to find out who the dreamer is in the "Guest Article."

Finally, the story in the "Inspiration" section will tug at your heart and amaze you—At least, it did for me.

So enjoy! :-)


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In Remembrance of
September 11, 2001

------------------------------------

Smile!

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If my people, which are called by my name,
shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek
my face, and turn from their wicked ways,
then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive
their sin, and will heal their land.

—2 Chronicles 7:14




Contents:

Top Sponsor
Weekly Contest
A Healthier You
Feature Article
Test Your Bible Knowledge
Today's Chuckle
Today's English Lesson
Guest Article
Inspiration
Etcetera


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Contest


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For our subscribers only: Be first to submit the correct answer to the following question and receive the next available top sponsor slot gratis. So answer this:

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Send to cont@elfexpressionsezine.com and be sure to include your promo copy with your entry. I will no longer contact winners to request it. Several people have missed out having their copy published, because they did not include their ads with their entries!





The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.



A Healthier You


Folks, sometimes I am amazed at what I have published in years past. I found the following gem in the issue dated September 7, 2004 and thought I'd share it again, as I am sure that everyone has forgotten about these, as I have!

— Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately—without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

— Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

— Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

— Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

— Sore Throat: Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

— Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer: Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly even though the product was never advertised for this use.

— Eliminate puffiness under your eyes: All you need is a dab of preparation H, carefully rubbed into the skin, avoiding the eyes. The hemorrhoid ointment acts as a vasoconstrictor, relieving the swelling instantly.

— Honey remedy for skin blemishes: Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a band-aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

— Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

— Easy eyeglass protection: To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

— Coca-Cola cure for rust: Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.

— Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer: If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

— Smart splinter remover: just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue all over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

— Hunt's tomato paste boil cure: cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

— Balm for broken blisters: To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine... a powerful antiseptic.

— Heinz vinegar to heal bruises: Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

— Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.

— Rainy day cure for dog odor: Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

— Eliminate ear mites: All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

— Vaseline cure for hair balls: To prevent troublesome hair balls, apply a dollop of Vaseline petroleum jelly to your cat's nose. The cat will lick off the jelly, lubricating any hair in its stomach so it can pass easily through the digestive system.

— Quaker Oats for fast pain relief: It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.





Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength.

—A. J. Cronin.



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Feature Article


Don't Swap Links, Swap Content!
by Dan Thies

Don't get me wrong—link swaps are better than nothing. However, there are three big weaknesses inherent in any simple link swap.

First, search engines rarely index links pages, mostly because there are usually no external links to them. Translation: that link swap you just negotiated may not even get noticed by the search engines.

Second, your link usually goes on a page full of other links, with few, if any, external links supporting it. Translation: search engines like Google will give the link minimal weight, even if they find it.

Third, the keyword content of the page that links to you is completely beyond your control. Translation: search engines may not see the link as relevant to your site's keywords.

What's The Answer?

Instead of swapping links, swap content. If each web site provides the other with a one-page article on a subject they both cover, and they set it up properly, the weak- nesses of a traditional link swap don't apply.

How To Set Up A Content Swap:

Step 1 — Swapping

Agree on the subject, and swap articles. I'll refer to the article each site receives as the "guest article." The page title and contents of your article should include your site's important search engine keywords, and a byline or resource box with your keywords that links to your Web site.

Step 2 — Publishing

Each webmaster reformats the "guest article" to fit his site's layout and integrates it into that site. In order for this to work, it must be linked to a page that's already in all of the major search engines.

Step 3 — Linking

Each webmaster sets up a link on his Web site, pointing to their "guest article" on the other site. This should be a text link, and it should include your keywords. It must be on a page that's already in the search engines, but not the same page your article links to—search engines may not count the link if two pages point to each other.

What a Content Swap Achieves:

Since each article has both internal and external links pointing to it, all the major search engines should eventually find them and include them in their databases.

The links the search engines find will carry more weight, because the articles have only one link in them, and because the article itself has external links pointing to it.

In addition, the links in your article will be considered highly relevant to your keywords, because they're found on a page which has been optimized for the keywords you want.

Content swaps allow you to make every link count by creating a highly relevant link that directly contributes to your search engine rankings.

I wish you success ...

==============================================================

Dan Thies is the author of "Search Engine Fast Start!"—a concise
guide to positioning your Web site with the new breed of search engines.
http://www.cannedbooks.com

==============================================================

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As Featured On EzineArticles



 

Test Your Bible Knowledge

Question — On Day One, what did God do?

a — Made dry land appear
b — Divided the waters under the firmament
c — Divided the light from the darkness
d — Gathered together the waters into seas.

Scroll down for the answer.





Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials.

—Lin Yutang





November 27, 2010
Associated Press

Augusta, Ga. — A U.S. Marine reservist collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in eastern Georgia. Best Buy sales manager Orvin Smith told The Augusta Chronicle that man was seen on surveillance cameras Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the Augusta store.

When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife, and ran toward the door. Outside were four Marines collecting toys for the service branch's "Toys For Tots" program.

Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back. The cut did not appear to be severe.

The suspect was transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, and assorted lacerations and bruises he obtained when he fell trying to run after stabbing the Marine.

The suspect, whose name was not released, was held until police arrived. The Richmond County Sheriff's office said it is investigating.

Those falls can be dangerous! (Semper fi — Love those Marines!)



Today's Chuckle


Monkeying Around

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Boy, I'm in deep doodoo now." (He was an Irish setter). Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.

"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!"





Whoever it was who searched the heavens with a telescope and found no God would not have found the human mind if he had searched the brain with a microscope.

—George Santayana



Today's English Lesson


Seeing the same elementary mistakes over and over again has prompted this publisher to write an English lesson each issue. Look for some of these lessons to be repeated, because the mistakes are!

It just never ceases to amaze me the mistakes that continue to appear in print these days. This holiday season presented this one:

Someone actually went riding in a "one-horse open slay"! Of course, the term should have been "sleigh," as "slay" is not even a noun, but a verb to which Webster assigns the meaning of "to murder" or (informally) to impress strongly; to overwhelm, especially by humor, as in "Your jokes slay me."

=========================================================

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"Faith is not believing God can; it is knowing that God will."





There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.



Guest Article



A Dreamer and His Dream
Source Unknown

Let me tell you, Jesse hated this job. And you would too, I imagine, if you had to do it. Jesse was a chicken plucker. That's right.

He stood on a line in a chicken factory and spent his days pulling the feathers off dead chickens so the rest of us wouldn't have to. It wasn't much of a job.

But at the time, Jesse didn't think he was much of a person. His father was a brute of a man. His dad was actually thought to be mentally ill and treated Jesse rough all of his life.

Jesse's older brother wasn't much better. He was always picking on Jesse and beating him up. Yes, Jesse grew up in a very rough home in West Virginia. Life was anything but easy. And he thought life didn't hold much hope for him. That's why he was standing in this chicken line, doing a job that darn few people wanted.

In addition to all the rough treatment at home, it seems that Jesse was always sick. Sometimes it was real physical illness, but way too often it was all in his head. He was a small child, skinny and meek. That sure didn't help the situation any.

When he started to school, he was the object of every bully on the playground.

He was a hypochondriac of the first order. For Jesse, tomorrow was not always something to be looked forward to. But, he had dreams. He wanted to be a ventriloquist. He found books on ventriloquism. He practiced with sock puppets and saved his hard earned dollars until he could get a real ventriloquist dummy.

When he got old enough, he joined the military. And even though many of his hypochondriac symptoms persisted, the military did recognize his talents and put him in the entertainment corp. That was when his world changed.

He gained confidence. He found that he had a talent for making people laugh, and laugh so hard they often had tears in their eyes. Yes, little Jesse had found himself.

You know, folks, the history books are full of people who overcame a handicap to go on and make a success of themselves, but Jesse is one of the few I know of who didn't overcome it. Instead he used his paranoia to make a million dollars, and become one of the best-loved characters of all time in doing it!

Yes, that little paranoid hypochondriac, who transferred his nervousness into a successful career, still holds the record for the most Emmys given in a single category.

The wonderful, gifted, talented, and nervous comedian who brought us Barney Fife was Jesse Don Knotts.

Now you know "the rest of the story."

===========================================================





Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.





Answer to Bible trivia:

c — Divided the light from the darkness
Genesis 1:1-5



Inspiration


Too Busy for a Friend?

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. Really? " she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature..

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. " Were you Mark's s math teacher?" he asked. She nodded. Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said, "As you can see, Mark treasured it. "

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said, "It's in my diary."

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.




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