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Get Hold of Your Elf!

“Get hold of your ‘elf!”


Your weekly collection of marketing tips, hints, and advice interspersed with humor, inspiration, and other goodies to spice things up a bit. Guidance, tutoring, advice, mentoring, coaching, inspiration, English lessons, editing, proofreading services for entrepreneurs and online marketers.

The publisher’s philosophy is that most learn faster by taking small bites, rather than large gulps. Small bites are chewed more thoroughly, swallowed, and digested more readily. Keeping that in mind, many features will be solo items. That way, you will not be bombarded or overwhelmed.



Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 2 - Issue 15X — July 11, 2002
Regular issue published every Tuesday evening


Don't know about the rest of the country, but the fireworks display that we saw last Thursday here in Ohio was absolutely awesome! Never have I seen such large ones, and it has been many years since I've seen anything like the patriotic spirit that was in evidence that evening. Three cheers for the red-white-and-blue!



In Remembrance of
September 11, 2001


Smile!

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STRANGE FACT:
The height of the 984-foot-tall (usually) Eiffel Tower varies,
depending on the temperature,
by as much as six inches!



CONTENTS:

Sponsor Ad
Guest Article
Today’s Chuckle
Internet Tips & Hints
Guest Article
Inspiration
Etcetera


STIFF KNEES


The following is a testimonial from an individual stating what results SHE has experienced. No medical claims are implied, and we are not saying that the products discussed will cure the problems you have. (The foregoing statement is required by the US Government, which should not be a substitute for your ability and right to think for yourself and make your own decisions!)

A few years ago I fell and crushed the ligaments in my left knee. The surgeon said they looked like spaghetti. Ever since, I have had a LOT of pain in that knee. Even my good leg had started hurting where I tried to compensate for the bad one. Both knees were so stiff I could hardly go up and down stairs. I stand on my feet eight hours at work and have a lot of swelling in my feet and legs.

I've been on Clark's Colloidal Minerals and Natural Balance Creme about eight weeks. I rub the cream on my knees and always receive relief, but I could tell the difference in both legs after being on the Omega-9+ only 2 days! I still have soreness, but the PAIN is gone, and the knees are no longer stiff. Thank you, Healing America, for going after the cause of problem rather than just the symptoms.

—Julie Chinn, Centertown KY

If you would like to see what has worked miracles in Julie's life, go to:

http://goodbody.healingamerica.com
The only company in the world with scalar enhanced products!

If you would like to look into becoming a distributor, just go to this website: Watch the 6-minute video presentation (it may take a few minutes to load). Fill out and submit the questionnaire at the end of the presentation.



GUEST ARTICLE


INTERNET PORNSTERS MAY BE TARGETING YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES.
READ THIS SHOCKING STORY!

My dear readers, Grassfire.net is tracking several important pieces of legislation that could have a major impact on the battle against online obscenity.

But while we keep a watchful eye on what is being done in Congress to battle Internet obscenity, you need to read this shocking story that underscores the damaging nature of this problem and the need for IMMEDIATE SOLUTIONS.

Please read this terrifying story below and pass it along to at least 15-20 of your friends. Urge them take a stand by joining our national campaign against Internet pornography.

EXCLUSIVE GRASSFIRE.NET REPORT

Imagine you are enjoying a well-deserved family vacation— perhaps a day at the beach, or a trip to a theme park, maybe a casual stroll through a mall. But while you share laughs and good times with your loved ones, something insidious is threatening the safety of your family—and you're not even aware of it.

Without your knowledge or consent, a stranger snaps photo after photo of your wife and your children. But these photos are not for sale—at least, not to you.

When your day ends—filled with wonderful moments certain to last a lifetime—the Internet pornographer who stalked you earlier that day is busily at work, creating perverted images.

The photos of your family are quickly downloaded into his computer and digitized. Then, using relatively cheap and readily available software, these innocent photos of your wife and children are manipulated into a myriad of sexually twisted and perverse images that blend reality with fantasy.

While some may alter the faces of your children and wife, others do not—confident that they can easily escape detection and criminal prosecution.

Finally, this scum is ready to debut them on any of the literally thousands of porn sites throughout the world. Here, pedophiles and perverts flock to specialty sites where they can download images of your daughter, son, or wife—cut and pasted into sexually explicit acts.

This is the seedy underbelly of illegal Internet porn where, for the price of a digital camera and some cheap software, an Internet pornographer is limited only by his sick imagination.

Could this happen to you? It may already have . . .

If you are interested in joining the nearly 200,000 concerned Americans who are waging war against illegal Internet obscenity, please click below:

Click here

Now, we have only weeks to raise 25,000 additional supporters. But with your help, we meet our targeted delivery date!

If you are a new supporter of our petition to Stop Illegal Internet Porn, please read our press releases that were distributed during our recent petition delivery to Washington D.C.

Click here

If you haven't signed the petition to "stop porn-spam," please click below:

Click here

And to read the very latest news regarding online obscenity, click below:

Click here

Track your personal impact and watch it grow! Plus, 24/7 reporting stats (see how many friends are signing up right now!):

http://www.grassfire.net/16/impact.asp?CID=16&RID=2190927&P=1

Finally, don't miss the latest comments of those already taking action to stop Internet porn:

Click here

***PETITION DELIVERY SET FOR THE END OF JULY.***
HELP US REACH OUR GOAL OF 200,000!
COPY & PASTE THIS INTO AN EMAIL AND SEND TO FRIENDS,
URGING THEM TO FOLLOW YOUR LEAD!
CLICK BELOW:

Click here




Happiness is never stopping to think if you are.



 

A BIBLE RIDDLE

What are the shortest and the longest verses in the Bible?

ANSWER: The longest is Esther 8:9 which has about 90 words and goes like this: "Then were the king's scribes called at that time in the third month, that is, the month Sivan, on the three and twentieth day thereof; and it was written according to all that Mordecai commanded unto the Jews, and to the lieutenants, and the deputies and rulers of the provinces which are from India unto Ethiopia, an hundred twenty and seven provinces, unto every province according to the writing thereof, and unto every people after their language, and to the Jews according to their writing, and according to their language."

The shortest verse is John 11:35: "Jesus wept."





DISGUSTING FACT:
Some two million people who enter hospitals in the US
each year with one ailment wind up with still another!
These hospital-acquired infections are FATAL
to about 16,000 Americans every year.




TODAY'S CHUCKLE


SUCCESS STORY

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."





AMAZING FACT: Three pairs of common English rabbits were let loose in Australia in the middle of the nineteenth century. Within ten years, the six rabbits had multiplied into millions, menacing the country's agriculture!





HISTORICAL FACT:
The first coin minted in the US was a silver dollar,
issued October 15, 1794.



INTERNET HINTS & TIPS


The site of the week this week is http://www.hotscripts.com. If you're looking for some free, or low cost scripts for your website that can do just about anything imaginable this site is for you.

With over 5,000 scripts listed in a variety of scripting languages, this site probably has what you're looking for, and if it doesn't you're probably not going to find it! If you're a webmaster looking to improve your site you should visit HotScripts today!





NOT-SO-ODD FACT:
On the list of things that you cannot buy at
Disney World in Florida is chewing gum.





CURIOUS FACT:
Glove manufacturers report that, in recent years,
the average size of men's gloves has decreased from 10 to 9,
while for women, it has increased from 6 to 7!



GUEST ARTICLE



5 Sure-Fire Ways to Lose Customers—Fast!
by Jim M. Allen

I know, it's kind of crazy to write and article about how to lose customers. But, as a consumer myself, I see the handwriting on the wall . . . One business after another seems intent on tossing away good money and driving away serious customers.

As one who works to help people achieve their goals, it just makes sense to offer those businesses the help they need. So, for those who might be needed help in this area, here are five sure-fire ways to start losing customers today:

1. Overpromise, Underdeliver

Hey, if you actually deliver what you say you'll deliver (or worse yet, MORE than what you say you'll deliver), clients and customers will love you. Put an end to that immediately by making big, wild, false claims about your product or service—then fail to deliver on every one of them.

2. Make Things Difficult

If it's easy for customers to find you, get the information they need, and to do business with you, THEY WILL! To drive these customers away, make all of your processes slow and bureaucratic. Hide important contact information on your website and marketing materials. Don't return phone calls or emails quickly (or even at all).

3. Guarantee Nothing

Companies and service providers who believe in their products and services guarantee them. They know they'll gain more clients and client confidence with this approach. Hardly the tack to take if you're looking to run a business into the ground . . . Forget about guarantees. Caveat Emptor!

4. Focus on Your Needs

Successful businesses regularly—always—focus efforts on giving customers what they need to be successful. Rather than think about "customer service," want-to-fail business owners think about how "customers serve US." They ignore their customers' needs and focus on their own.

5. Forget About 'Em

You can drive your customers away but still make money doing it. How? Once a customer or client has made a purchase with you, forget about them. Apathy after the sale is the number one reason customers leave. Just take their money and let that be end of the relationship. Sooner or later, the customer will get the point and leave for one of your competitors.

I know these are just five simple techniques. But I guarantee that if you put these techniques into place in your business, you can send your customers away in droves!

Plus, each of these techniques is inherently "viral"—your customers will quickly spread the word about your new business approach with other customers or potential customers. Before you know it, without even trying, you'll have lost all the customers you can imagine.

I hope you aren't among those with a death-wish for your business. In that case, just do the opposite of what I said above, and you'll be well on your way to satisfying your customers all the time and growing a powerful, profitable business.

©2002 Jim M. Allen

************************

Jim Allen, the Big Idea coach, helps small business owners improve profits through low- and no-cost marketing techniques. For more ideas, subscribe to Jim's FREE bi-weekly ezine, THE BIG IDEA, by sending a blank email to: SubscribeAA@CoachJim.com



INSPIRATION


READ THIS VERY SLOWLY ....... IT'S PRETTY PROFOUND
....... STOP AND THINK ABOUT LIFE .......

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming, or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back.

From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched "Jeopardy!" on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gasp and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes in the dryer. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect:

We'll go back and visit the grandparents—when we get Stevie toilet-trained.

We'll entertain—when we replace the living room carpet.

We'll go on a second honeymoon—when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.

One morning we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my "seize the moment!" friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas.

Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in ten years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my hips with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.

The other day I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now . . . go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to . . . not something on your SHOULD DO list.

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call, and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?

When you ask, "How are you?"—do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow," and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?

When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift . . . thrown away . . . life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.




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