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'elf Expressions Ezine

Get Hold of Your Elf!

"Get hold of your 'elf!"


Your weekly collection of marketing tips, hints, and advice interspersed with humor, inspiration, and other goodies to spice things up a bit. Guidance, tutoring, advice, mentoring, coaching, inspiration, English lessons, editing, proofreading services for entrepreneurs and online marketers.

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Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 3 - Issue 79 - December 16, 2003
Published every Tuesday


Hi, folks. Time is getting short. I need to hear from a whole lot more people to brighten Dave and Jamie's Christmas this year. (See their full story at http://elfexpressionsezine.com/archive3-77.html.) I understand that the link in last week's issue didn't work, so please try again. Let's make this a Christmas to remember for Dave and Jamie . . . I know our Lord will bless you for it.

This week's feature article is a bit long, but worth the read. See you next week . . .



In Remembrance of
September 11, 2001


Smile!

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Dear Friends,

You know, it's like the frog in the pan of hot water . . . drop a frog in boiling water and it will jump out . . . start with cold water, bring it slowly to a boil, and it will allow itself to be boiled alive. It gets comfortable with it, goes to sleep and dies.

By the same token, slowly erode the principles on which this great U.S.A. was founded, and over time watch our rights be very, very slowly removed in a manner we don't notice, and pretty soon we will be "boiled alive"! Sure seems as if that's where we are headed!



Contents:

Sponsor Ad
Ad Contest
Subscriber in the Spotlight
Feature Article
Classifieds
Today’s Chuckle
Today's English lesson
Internet Tips & Hints
Guest Article
Inspiration
Etcetera


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Ad Contest


Results of last issue's ad contest, when the question was: What is the most popular dinner menu item in the United States, according to the National Restaurant Association? The answer: Even during the holidays, it's fried chicken ... second is roast beef, third is spaghetti, and turkey is next. See John Sheriff's ad above. He said "poultry," and that was the closest to "fried chicken." Inaccurate, but still technically correct! So congratulations, John!

For our subscribers only: Be first to submit the correct answer to the following question and receive the next available top sponsor ad Free. Here is the question:

What year in recent history was one of the coldest on record, so cold that all of the Great Lakes were frozen from shore to shore?

Send to adcontest1@elfexpressionsezine.com, and be sure to include your ad with your entry so that I do not have to contact you separately to get it. Several people have missed out having their ads published, because they did not respond with their ads in before my deadline.



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The Four Stages of Life:

1 — You believe in Santa Claus.
2 — You don't believe in Santa Claus..
3 — You are Santa Claus..
4 — You look like Santa Claus . . .




Subscriber in the Spotlight


The first subscriber to submit his or her personal profile sharing with the rest of us all about who he/she is, background, family, location, interests, hobbies, goals, dreams, etc., will be spotlighted right here next issue—and yes, an email and/or URL may be included!

Send to readernotes@elfexpressionsezine.com

This week's Subscriber in the Spotlight is no one, because everyone probably is busy getting ready for Christmas, so maybe next week?




 

Christmas is just plain weird.
What other time of year do you sit
in front of a dead tree in your living room
and eat candy out of your socks?



Feature Article


The Filling Station . . . a Christmas Story
Author Unknown

The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. He had no decorations, no tree, no lights. It was just another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. There were no children in his life. His wife had gone.

He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about, when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through. Instead of throwing the man out, George, Old George, as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the space heater and warm up.

"Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger. "I see you're busy. I'll just go."

"Not without something hot in your belly," George turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew. Made it myself. When you're done there's coffee, and it's fresh."

Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse me, be right back," George said.

There in the driveway was an old '53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front. The driver was panicked.

"Mister, can you help me!" asked the driver with a deep Spanish accent. "My wife is with child, and my car is broken."

George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold; the car was dead. "You ain't going in this thing," George said as he turned away.

"But, mister. Please help . . . " The door of the office closed behind George as he went in. George went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck and went back outside. He walked around the building and opened the garage, started the truck, and drove it around to where the couple was waiting.

"Here, you can borrow my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good."

George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. George turned and walked back inside the office.

"Glad I loaned 'em the truck. Their tires were shot, too. That ol' truck has brand new tires . . . " George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The thermos was on the desk, empty, with a used coffee cup beside it.

"Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought. George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas Eve meant no customers. He discovered that the block hadn't cracked; it was just the bottom hose on the radiator.

"Well, I can fix this," he said to himself. So he put a new one on. "Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter either." He took the snow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln. They were like new, and he wasn't going to drive the car.

As he was working, he heard a shot being fired. He ran outside, and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, "Help me." George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention.

"Pressure to stop the bleeding," he thought. The laundry company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound.

"Hey, they say duct tape can fix anything," he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease. "Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used for his back. "These ought to work." He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills.

"You hang in there. I'm going to get you an ambulance," George said, but the phone was dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your police car."

He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio. He went back in to find the policeman sitting up.

"Thanks," said the officer. "You could have left me there. The guy that shot me is still in the area."

George sat down beside him. "I would never leave an injured man in the Army, and I ain't gonna leave you." George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. "Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right through ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna be right as rain."

George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you take it?" he asked.

"None for me," said the officer.

"Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the city." Then George smiled: "Too bad I ain't got no donuts."

The officer laughed and winced at the same time. The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun.

"Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled. His hand was shaking, and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before.

"That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer.

"Son, why are you doing this?" asked George. "You need to put the cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt."

The young man was confused. "Shut up, old man, or I'll shoot you, too. Now gimme the cash!" The cop was reaching for his gun.

"Put that thing away," George said to the cop. "We got one too many in here now."

He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas Eve. If you need the money, well then, here. It ain't much, but it's all I got. Now put that pea shooter away."

George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time. The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees, and began to cry.

"I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job. My rent is due. My car got repossessed last week . . . "

George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can."

He got the young man to his feet and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things." George handed the young man a cup of coffee. "Being stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and get warm, and we'll sort this thing out."

The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. "Sorry I shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry, officer."

"Shut up and drink your coffee." the cop said.

George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns drawn.

"Chuck! You okay?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer.

"Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?"

"GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Who did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man.

Chuck answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his gun and ran."

George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other. "That guy works here," the wounded cop continued.

"Yep," George said. "Just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job."

The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, "Why?"

Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas, boy. And you too, George, and thanks for everything."

"Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there. That ought to solve some of your problems." George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box.

"Here you go. Something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day."

The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw. "I can't take this," said the young man. "It means something to you."

"And now it means something to you," replied George. "I got my memories. That's all I need."

George reached into the box again. A toy airplane, a racing car, and a little metal truck appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours."

The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier. "And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with? You keep that, too. Count it as part of your first week's pay." George said. "Now git home to your family."

The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. "I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good."

"Nope. I'm closed Christmas Day," George said. "See ya the day after."

George turned around to find that the stranger had returned. "Where'd you come from? I thought you left?"

"I have been here. I have always been here," said the stranger. "You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?"

"Well, after my wife passed away I just couldn't see what all the bother was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree. Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself, and besides I was getting a little chubby."

The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son, and he will become a great doctor. The policeman you helped will go on to save nineteen people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will become a rich man and share his wealth with many people. That is the spirit of the season, and you keep it as well as any man."

George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man.

"Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done, you will be with Martha again." The stranger moved toward the door.

"If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned."

George watched as the man's old leather jacket and his torn pants turned into a white robe. A golden light began to fill the room.

"You see, George, it's My birthday. Merry Christmas."



 

A Bible Riddle

When the apostle Paul wrote to the Romans, he told them he would be coming to see them, but first he had to go to what other country?

Answer — Spain. See Romans 15:24 "Whensoever I take my journey into Spain, I will come to you: . . ."



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The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.

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Today's Chuckle


The Wisdom of Age . . .

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Milk can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."

"But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake?"





There is no fruit which is not bitter before it is ripe.

—Publilius Syrus



Today's English Lesson


Seeing the same elementary mistakes over and over again has prompted this publisher to write an English lesson each issue. Look for some of these lessons to be repeated, because the mistakes are!

I've published this one before, but many people must have missed it, because this mistake seems to be rampant on the 'net:

Talking about "it's" vs. "its."

Folks, "it's" is merely a contraction of "it is." Example: "It's all I can do to keep from screaming."

"Its" is a neutral pronoun used to show possession. Example: The dog broke its leg. (No apostrophe required!)

===============================================================================

Reminder: We offer a reasonably priced editing/proofreading service for articles or even entire ezines. Just email: editingservices@elfexpressionsezine.com





Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.

—Chinese Proverb



Internet Hints & Tips


This script opens an e-mail message and inserts the URL and title of the web page into the body of the message. Additional text can be added to the e-mail message.

http://www.resource-a-day.net/resources/send/
AOL users click here





It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution.

—Alvin Toffler



Guest Article


Never Lose Faith
Source Unknown

A man from Norfolk, Virginia called a local radio station to share this on Sept 11, 2003. His name was Robert Matthews. These are his words:

"A few weeks before Sept 11, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said "amen," we both heard a loud pop, and the car shook violently. we had blown out a tire. I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight. Both very upset, we drove home.

I received a call from my father who was retired F.D.N.Y. He asked what my wife's flight number was, but explained that we missed the flight. My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into the south tower. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. "This is not something I can just sit by for, I have to do something." I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ.

After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, "Take good care of my grandchild." Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort. My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. Anger at God, at my father, and at myself.

I had gone for nearly two years blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say goodbye. Then something happened.

About two months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child. The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was.

He quickly grabbed my hand and said, "I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honor to meet his son." He explained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Center and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her.

My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this. He then said, "There is something else you need to know." His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news. Now I know that when I get to heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves."

When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew in honor of the man who gave his life so mother and baby could live.

This story should help us to realize two things: First, that though it has been two years since the attacks, we should never let it become a mere tragic memory. And second, but most important, God is always in control. We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is always in control.

=======================================================================



Inspiration


It's the Lord's Ball Game

Bob and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team. The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the ninth inning with two outs.

They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate whose name was Love. Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because Love never fails.

The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.

The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch. Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one.

Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked, because Godly Wisdom never swings at what Satan throws.

The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Bob and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Bob said, "He sure doesn't look like much!"

Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace. Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen. But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by. He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; then it continued over the fence for a home run!

The Lord's team won! The Lord then asked Bob if he knew why Love, Faith, and Godly Wisdom could get on base but could not win the game. Bob answered that he did not know why.

The Lord explained, "If your love, faith, and wisdom had won the game you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith, and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you home."

Psalm 84:11: "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly."




Etcetera

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