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'elf Expressions Ezine

Get Hold of Your Elf!

"Get hold of your 'elf!"


Your weekly collection of marketing tips, hints, and advice interspersed with humor, inspiration, and other goodies to spice things up a bit. Guidance, tutoring, advice, mentoring, coaching, inspiration, English lessons, editing, proofreading services for entrepreneurs and online marketers.

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Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 5 - Issue 2 - January 18, 2005
Published every Tuesday


Good evening, all . . . what a frustrating day! Trying to change insurance companies, first trying to get quotes online . . . even more frustrating . . . finally just letting my fingers do the walking and calling around . . . still frustrating.

Have you tried to get insurance quotes lately? What a nightmare! First, they need your entire life's history (or so it seems) . . . driver's license number, driving record questions, vehicle info and numbers, social security number (to run a credit check, which should have nothing to do with getting insurance, but now the so-called "experts" have "determined" that those with less than perfect credit are generally higher risk and therefore are assigned a higher rate).

Again, we have here yet another incidence of a black-and-white society (nothing to do with race) where computers rule . . . no room for any gray area . . . just cold, hard profiles of human beings of every ilk . . . no nuances, no subjectivity, no exceptions, no consideration of extenuating circumstances, nada! They categorize everyone into specific, broad categories which have nothing to do with reality.

And so not only do they check your credit rating, but you get something called an insurance score . . . only they and God knows what that really is . . .

Then, if you are a homeowner, you have to prove it . . . and if you currently have other insurance, you have to prove that also . . . all of this to get a supposedly lower rate . . . what a farce!

A remote tropical island looks better and better all the time . . .



In Remembrance of
September 11, 2001


Smile!

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If my people, which are called by name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

—2 Chronicles 7:14



Contents:

Sponsor Ad
Ad Contest
Feature Article
Classifieds
Today’s Chuckle
Today's English lesson
Internet Tips & Hints
Guest Article
Memories
Inspiration
Etcetera


Sponsor Ad


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Ad Contest


Results of last issue's ad contest, when the question was: Who really wrote Beethoven's Fifth Symphony? The answer: Beethoven! (Gotcha! :-) But Nancy Montgomery got it . . . see her ad above.

For our subscribers only: Be first to submit the correct answer to the following question and receive the next available top sponsor ad free. The question:

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

Send to contest@elfexpressionsezine.com and be sure to include your ad with your entry so that I do not have to contact you separately to get it. Several people have missed out having their ads published, because they did not respond with their ads in before my deadline.






Peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank.



Feature Article


The Law is The Law

I just found the following posted in a forum of the organization to which I belong, which is advertised below in the first classified . . . hope you enjoy it!

This is one of the better e-mails I have received in a long time!

I hope this makes its way around the U.S.A. several times over!

So be it!

The law is the law.

So if the U.S. Government determines that it is against the law for the words "under God" to be on our money, then so be it.

And if that same Ggovernment decides that the "Ten Commandments" are not to be used in or on a Government installation, then so be it.

And since they already have prohibited any prayer in the schools, on which they deem their authority, then so be it.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to be a law abiding U.S. citizen.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

I would like to think that those people have the American Publics' best interests at heart.

But, you know what else I'd like?

Since we can't pray to God, can't trust in God, and cannot post His commandments in Government buildings, I don't believe the Government and its employees should be allowed to participate in the Easter and Christmas celebrations which honor the God that our Government is eliminating from many facets of American life.

I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving, and Easter.

After all, it's just another day. I'd like the U.S. Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving, and Easter, as well as Sundays. After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the Senate and the House of Representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the "Christmas Break." After all, it's just another day.

I'm thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved, if all Government offices and services would work on Christmas, Good Friday, and Easter.

It shouldn't cost any overtime, since those would be just like any other day of the week to a Government that is trying to be "politically correct."

In fact, I think that our Government should work on Sundays (initially set aside for worshipping God), because, after all, our Government says that it should be just another day . . .

What do you all think?

If this idea gets to enough people, maybe our elected officials will stop giving in to the minority opinions and begin, once again, to represent the majority of A-L-L of the American people.

So be it . . .

Please, dear Lord, give us the help needed to keep you in our country! Amen.

Personally, I think this is a great idea . . . it would make them think, if nothing else, about how widely Jesus affected this world . . . maybe they would start reconsidering their positions on these issues . . . it would behoove anyone to read "What If Jesus Had Never Been Born" by Dr. D. James Kennedy . . . a real eye opener!

=================================================================================

Feel free to reprint the above article with this info intact:
Article penned by Mary Wilkey, publisher of 'elf Expressions Ezine:
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A Bible Riddle

Can you answer this little riddle without peeking at the answer? I was a relative to one of the fpir apostles who were brothers, and I was pretty sick till Jesus came by.

Answer — Simon Peter's mother-in-law, according to Luke 4:38-39 — And he arose out of the synagogue, and entered into Simon's house. And Simon's wife's mother was taken with a great fever; and they besought him for her. And he stood over her, and rebuked the fever; and it left her: and immediately she arose and ministered unto them.



Classifieds


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Find the best nutritional supplements in the world at:
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The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the best of everything that comes along their way.



Today's Chuckle


His and Her A-T-M

His:
1 — Pull up to A-T-M
2 — Insert card
3 — Enter P.I.N. and account
4 — Take cash, card and receipt
5 — Drive away

Hers:
1 — Pull up to A-T-M
2 — Back up and pull forward to get closer
3 — Shut off engine
4 — Put keys in purse
5 — Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6 — Hunt for card in purse
7 — Insert card
8 — Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with P.I.N. written on it
9 — Enter P.I.N.
10 — Study instructions.
11 — Hit "cancel"
12 — Re-enter correct P.I.N.
13 — Check balance
14 — Look for envelope
15 — Look in purse for pen
16 — Make out deposit slip
17 — Endorse checks
18 — Make deposit
19 — Study instructions
20 — Make cash withdrawal
21 — Get in car
22 — Check makeup
23 — Look for keys
24 — Start car
25 — Check makeup
26 — Start pulling away
27 — Stop
28 — Back up to machine
29 — Get out of car
30 — Take card and receipt
31 — Get back in car
32 — Put card in wallet
33 — Put receipt in checkbook
34 — Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35 — Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36 — Check makeup
37 — Put car in reverse
38 — Put car in drive
39 — Drive away from machine
40 — Drive 3 miles
41 — Release parking brake




There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly.

—Buckminster Fuller



Today's English Lesson


Seeing the same elementary mistakes over and over again has prompted this publisher to write an English lesson each issue. Look for some of these lessons to be repeated, because the mistakes are!

"Slacken the reigns" ... from a doctoral student yet!

You wonder sometimes how some people get along in this life? Some people must put down just the first thing that pops into their heads when they write . . .

To "reign" means to rule. The doctoral dunce obviously meant to slacken the reins (loosen the grip on the horse's bit). We can only hope that this was an oversight and not the intention of one so highly "educated"!

===============================================================================

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Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!
Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers
you cannot be successful or happy.

—Norman Vincent Peale



Internet Hints & Tips


On The Spot

Do you use the "Favorites|Organize Favorites" menu item to modify the properties of your favorite links? There's a much quicker—and easier—way to organize your favorites:

http://www.resource-a-day.net/resources/onthespot/





Hail the storm. It is your antagonist come to develop you.



Guest Article


Writer's Block—Cool Tips to get you started
by the Consulting Editors at http://www.AskProfessors.com

Most, if not all, writers get writer's block at some stage or another. The words refuse to work their magic.

The harder the writer tries, the tougher it gets.

It can be very frustrating, and at times it's scary. What happens if you are working with tight deadlines? What if your manuscript is almost complete—but you just can't get those last few thousand words to flow?

Each writer is unique—and unfortunately, even the best mentors or best-selling writers can't provide answers that will help each and every writer on each and every occasion. In other words, only your own experience will help you discover what really works for you.

The worst thing you can do is to slog away when you are making zero progress. It just adds to the anxiety, and it raises your blood pressure needlessly.

What should you do?

It may sound strange, but when you are under immense pressure, the best thing may be to take some time out. Chill out—and forget your writing for a while. It may be for one hour or one day, or a week or more. When you believe that you just can't afford to get away, but you are totally stuck, that's when you really need that break.

A change of scenery is wonderful for you. When you are surrounded by the wonders of nature, relaxation also comes naturally.

For most writers and poets, a nice break is enough to get them back on track.

======================================================================

Consulting Editors, Authors and Mentors at http://www.AskProfessors.com—creators of the Affiliate Intelligence and Writing systems; http://www.InternetPressOffice.com (syndication, free content, classifieds, copywriting, tips, public relations, and marketing); http://www.AuthorsSociety.org



Memories


How many of these do you remember?

Pillow fights, "company," ribbon candy, angel hair on the Christmas tree?

When you got giant nickel Hershey bars in your Halloween sack?

Ringing doorbells and disappearing in a fit of laughter?

The jingle of the pink and white ice cream truck and a 5-cent popsicle?

Punks and sparklers on the 4th of July?

Jackie Gleason as "the poor soul"?

White gloves, Easter bonnets, walking to church?

Being tickled to death, running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt . . . remember that?

Not stepping on a crack . . . or you'd break your mother's back?

Paper chains at Christmas and Glass Wax window stencils?

Silhouettes of Lincoln and Washington?

The smell of paste, book bags and Evening in Paris . . .

Crowding around in a circle for the "after-school fight," then running when the teacher came?

Abba Zabba bars and peanut logs?

What about the girl that had the big bubbly handwriting . . . who dotted her "I's" with hearts?

The Stroll, the Twist, the Monkey, popcorn balls, and sock hops?

Ankle socks before nylons and rolled up jean shorts?

Flats . . . taps on a guy's Snap Jack buckle shoes?

Vitalis and Brylcream?

Remember when . . . there were two types of sneakers for girls (Keds and P-F Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for "gym?" And the girls had those ugly uniforms?

When it took five minutes for the T-V to warm up?

When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?



Inspiration


The Gold Wrapping Paper

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight, and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and said, "This is for you, Mama."

The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over-reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner. "Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?"

The tyke had tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Mama, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full."

The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.

Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems, she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, has been given a golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends, and God. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

—Source unknown




Etcetera

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