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'elf Expressions Ezine

Get Hold of Your Elf!
 

"Get hold of your 'elf!"

Your weekly collection of marketing tips, hints, and advice interspersed with humor, inspiration, and other goodies to spice things up a bit. It is being offered for entrepreneurs, would-be entrepreneurs, and online marketers, who need guidance, tutoring, advice, mentoring, and inspiration. The publisher's philosophy is that most learn faster by taking small bites, rather than large gulps. Small bites are chewed more thoroughly, swallowed, and digested more readily. Keeping that in mind, many features will be solo items. That way, you will not be bombarded or overwhelmed.


Publisher: Mary Wilkey
Volume 1 - Issue 5
Published every Tuesday evening


Welcome, readers – Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are having a large dose of beautiful weather, just as we are here in Ohio! The magnolia tree just outside our living room was in gorgeous array, and now the redbud tree next to it just burst forth. The cherry tree next to that is full of beautiful white blossoms, and next to that is our precious lilac bush, which is doing superbly well this year -- just full of purple fragrance. Out in the orchard, the apple and pear trees are flourishing. And around the house off the deck the tulips and jonquils and daffodils are sporting bright yellows and reds. May you be as blessed as we are!



 

There is a smorgasbord here on earth—but most people are starving, because they do not reach out and partake of it.



CONTENTS:

Sponsor Ad
Ad Contest
Subscriber Spotlight
Feature Article
Classifieds #1-3
Today's Chuckle
Today's English lesson
Internet Tips & Hints
Classifieds #4-6
Guest Article
Inspiration
Etcetera


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AD CONTEST

Results of last issue's ad contest: See TOP SPONSOR AD above -- now for next week's issue:

For our subscribers only: Be the first person to submit an ad this issue containing any word starting with "G" and ending in "N" and receive the top sponsor ad next issue FREE!


Something to ponder:
Chocolate does not taste like chocolate.
It IS chocolate.
And smoke does not smell like smoke.
It IS smoke.
Nor does velvet feel like velvet.
It IS velvet.
The same as music does not sound like music.
It IS music.
The sky is not look blue.
It IS blue.
Therefore, Spirit does not manifest like spirit . . .
It IS Spirit.


SUBSCRIBER SPOTLIGHT

The first subscriber to submit his or her personal profile sharing with the rest of us all about who he/she is, background, family, location, interests, hobbies, goals, dreams, etc., will be spotlighted right here next issue-and yes, an email and/or URL may be included!

No one submitted an entry for the Subscriber Spotlight this week, so get yours written up and send it to me for inclusion in next week's issue!



FEATURE ARTICLE

The Secret to a Prosperous Life, Online or Off

You know, I got on the Internet way back in 1994 for the express purpose of somehow creating another stream of income for us, with the goal in mind to eventually sell our offline business and work strictly from home.

Not knowing beans about computers-or the Internet-or marketing, really, I plunged ahead. And for a then-53-year-old grandmother, all three entailed a giant learning curve.

The computer and the Internet, however, were pieces of the proverbial cake, compared to marketing.

For one thing, with everything being so new and fascinating, it was hard to stay focussed. So a jumping-on, jumping-off pattern surfaced, and the pattern soon became a self-defeating habit. You know-that greener grass on the other side . . .

And so for the next six-plus years I floundered and flopped. There were mild successes among all the "failures"-and I put "failures" in quotes, because they were not "failures" at all-the only reason I looked at them as such is because I had QUIT!

That's right! One program after another. If I saw no instantaneous success, I wrote it off and promptly joined another . . . and another . . . ad nauseum.

Now it is April 2001, and a couple of months back I finally realized that I needed to wake up and smell the coffee . . . so I stopped everything and took stock. I mean I really did another take on the situation and FINALLY realized that it has NOT been the fault of the programs I'd been promoting. No, the fault lay within myself!

The only real failure I had had was that I had FAILED TO PERSEVERE!

Now how many people go into business for themselves off line, set up a store-front business, pay for the rent, insurance, fixtures, and inventory, and then if they don't see major success in 30-45 days, lock the front door, never to return again? Not many, methinks!

So now I'm ready to make some SERIOUS profit and have SERIOUS success, because I'm now SERIOUS about my business-even though it's not located in a store-front.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'll continue with my next discovery next issue . . . stay tuned.

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Feel free to reprint the above article with this info intact: Article penned by Mary Wilkey, publisher of 'elf Expressions Ezine. To subscribe, email me at elfbutter@er inet.com?subject=subscribe

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Last week, my dear, dear readers, I asked you to share with the rest of us a brief listing of your favorite books, the ones which have impacted your lives the most-the response, na-da-zilch!   Does anyone read these articles, or am I just spinning my wheels???


TODAY'S CHUCKLE

Grandpa is in a coma, and Grandma is worried he is going to die. She says to her grandson, "You watch him while I prepare some food. Let me know if there are any changes in his condition." Pretty soon Grandpa wakes up and says to his grandson, "Are those Grandma's cookies I smell? Tell Grandma I want some of her cookies." The boy goes downstairs, then comes back up and says to Grandpa, "Grandma says you can't have any. They're for the funeral."


TODAY'S ENGLISH LESSON

Seeing the same elementary mistakes over and over again has prompted this publisher to write an English lesson each issue. This one concerns the misuse of "to" and "too." These two little words seem to give some people BIG problems.

"To" refers "to" something or tells one to go "to" someplace, going up "to" a point, reaching as far as, or it can indicate that something belongs "to" something, as in "This belt belongs to this dress."

"Too" can be used interchangeably with "also"-and it also can be used to indicate an excess of something, as in "too" much. It also means "in addition," such as, "He did that, too." Also, it can be used in place of "very," as in "That's not too likely to happen."


INTERNET HINTS & TIPS

How to find out anything about your computer.

If you aren't totally satisfied with what you know about your Windows 98 computer, you can easily dig deeper with the System Information Utility. It's built right in.

Select START/RUN, type MSINFO32.EXE, and click OK.

Or select START/PROGRAMS/ACCESSORIES/SYSTEM TOOLS/SYSTEM INFORMATION.

If a hardware problem is detected, the component categories will show color coded messages. If a device isn't working, you'll see a red message stating "This Device Has a Problem" followed by a description of the problem. This is a great place to start if you're experiencing anything out of the ordinary with your computer.



GUEST ARTICLE


How *Not* To Design A Webpage!

So you're new to the Web. You've heard about this "designing a webpage" idea, and it sounds like fun. Your Internet-geek friend told you that it was "dead simple" to design webpages. So you thought "Sure, I can do it." And you're right, you can... but here are a few "design faults" that most beginners make (I know I did). Your pages will look ten times more professional if you avoid all of these pitfalls...

1: No "under construction" signs. Yes, I had one of these on my first-ever page back when the Internet was in the equivalent of the Stone Age. And, yes, I thought it looked great! It even had a little figure digging inside a yellow triangle similar to a road sign. This one image will single you out as an Internet-newbie. Why? Well, to put it bluntly, *all* pages on the Web are "under construction." Some may be nearer completion than others, and some will only be adding some regular updates, but if the page is never updated it is *dead.* There's nothing worse than seeing "200 visitors since April 1997"; you wonder why on Earth the page is still there! So lose the "under construction" sign; it's simply a "given" on the Internet.

2: No broken images. If you check your pages before submitting to the search engines or award sites, then you will be able to see that your images work properly. But *don't* believe what you see! It is possible that you are seeing images in your "cache" (the area of your hard drive where recently-downloaded Internet images are stored for quick retrieval). Ask a friend to take a look and check that all the images are OK. If you can, check for yourself from another computer, preferably one running a different operating system (Mac vs. Windows vs. Linux) and browser (Netscape vs. Microsoft Internet Explorer vs. Opera). It's amazing how different webpages can look through another computer!

3: Don't put everything in "one big table." I made this mistake, big time. I thought it was the best way to control page layout, and I am still stuck with the "one big table" problem because I have such a big site. Changing every page is a huge undertaking, and I simply don't have the time to do it! So if you are just starting to build a page or a site, you have the advantage of starting from scratch. Don't use one big table because-guess what? The friendly browser will not show any part of the page until it has loaded *everything* and closed that one big table! Your friendly surfer is sitting there thinking "Why am I looking at this blank screen for days?" and will promptly hit the back button and find somewhere else to go! Try designing your pages using several smaller tables or, if you're already stuck like me, put another table above your "one big table" with a few words which describe your site. At least then your visitor has something to read while the rest of the page loads.

4: Don't link "out" unless you *want* your visitors to leave! I remember doing this just because I thought that creating links was "cool." I had as many as I could find to anyone who asked (or even if they didn't!). I just had links everywhere! All this does is give your visitors many, many chances to leave. Maybe this isn't important if you don't want to sell them anything, or don't want them to see all your other useful pages. But if you want them to stay, then be very careful who you link to. For instance, people put "best viewed with {Netscape or MSIE or both}" with a link and a nice animated logo. Why? Do you think Microsoft or Netscape need the exposure? Do you think Netscape or Microsoft will return the favor? These kinds of external links soon disappear from all but the amateur pages on the Net. See the next reason for removing them, too ...

5: Keep your load time down! This is important because a page that doesn't load in under ten seconds is running the risk of the visitor giving up and going elsewhere. Until everyone has high speed connections to the Internet, keeping your page load time to a minimum is one of the best things you can do to keep your visitor happy. This extends to keeping all of your graphics optimized for small size. See the tool at http://www.netmechanic.com for help with this. Also, if you have hundreds of banners, lose them! They only increase download time and frustrate the visitors you are aiming to please! Another good reason, which relates to No. 4 is that, unless you have all the graphics on your server you have to make a connection to another server to retrieve the graphic. For example, with the "best viewed with {Netscape or MSIE or both}" situation, not only is it a point where your visitor can leave, it is also a connection to another server to retrieve a graphic. Each connection to another server adds approximately two seconds to the download time (this is not counting the actual graphic size). You think two seconds isn't much? How about ten such graphics per page, or a total of 20 seconds? When you consider Yahoo loads in about 8 seconds, you are talking a lot of extra time for each link to another server. Be aggressive in asking yourself "Do I *need* this graphic?" and, if yes, "How can I minimize the file size?"

6: Awards. Unless these are top-of-the-line, high-caliber awards such as "Lycos Top 5%" or "Starting Point Site of the Day," then *no-one cares.* All you are doing is adding yet another link to someone else and another server connection to download the graphic. Awards are basically self-serving anyway. All they do is add another link to the award-giving page and increase their traffic. If you do have to put up an award, make sure it really is prestigious, make sure the site giving the award links back to you, and copy the graphic to your server space to avoid the additional "server call."

7: Animation. Yes, it catches the eye. It also annoys if your eyes are constantly distracted by it! Most people *will* see the animation and if it's also a link out of your site, that's bad news for you ... there goes another visitor! If the visitor wants to stay and there's no way to turn off the animation, you will annoy them by having it on the page. Either way, you and your visitor lose. Keep animation to very small, discreet movements if you have to have it at all. This also applies to the "blink" tag in webpages. If used sparingly it can be effective, but if you go overboard you will alienate your visitors.

8: Hit counters. Simply, *no one* cares if you've had sixteen hits. Most of them were you anyway, right? Find a way to analyze your "hits" which is invisible to your visitor. It's much more professional (I use "http://www.stattrax.com"). You don't see IBM displaying a hit counter do you? And at all costs, do not use a counter which requires you to display a banner for them in exchange. You will just increase your download time, create another server call, and potentially lose the visitor who just added one to your counter!

9: Spelling errors. Yes, it's just sloppy. If you can't be bothered to proofread your site and check for errors, why should your visitor read it? Check your site several times, yourself. Spell checkers are not foolproof. In this document I wrote "hot counters." Guess how many spellcheckers would have thought "hot, that's OK"! Ask a friend, too, because it is very easy to overlook an error if you wrote it because you know what you *meant* to write!

10: Guestbooks. In the dim and distant history of the Internet (1997 I think it was) people signed guestbooks just because they were there. Now people don't. They don't have the time, they don't want to be spammed, and they *just* don't have the time! If people want to reach you, let them use a feedback form. It's much more professional, and you're much more likely to read it!

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This article was written by Neil Shearing. Take a quick look at http://ex925.com"http://ex925.com"

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INSPIRATION


THIS ONE IS FABULOUS!!!

Out of the mouths of children!

It was written by an eight-year-old, Danny Dutton, of Chula Vista, CA, for his third grade homework assignment. The assignment was to explain God. I just wonder if any of us could do as well???

EXPLANATION OF GOD: "One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers."

"God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off."

"God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your Mom and Dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have."

"Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church."

"Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K."

"His Dad [God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven.

So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important."

"You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time."

"You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church or do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong.And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway."

"If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids." "But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases. And...that's why I believe in God." If you believe in God, pass this on-God bless.



ETCETERA

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mailto:elfbutter@erinet .com
©2001, Mary Wilkey

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Mary Wilkey
9310 South SR 202
Tipp City OH 45371
937-669-8211
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